Flawed Perceptions of an Un-Friend (And What They Mean to You)

For the holidays this past season, my family went home. Back to the snowy mountains of Colorado. We spent most of our time with family, but made an effort to check in with a few friends still in the area as well. But, as it usually works out in small towns, there are those you'd rather just avoid.

Husband and I had a bit of a problem with atmosphere... meaning we had horrendous headaches from the pressure the change, allergies, lack of oxygen... you name it. So we were on our way into the nearest Walgreens to pick up the requisite drugs to deal with them. As we pulled in Husband asks if we should just go through the drive through. I had that thought as well, thought it would just be easier, and for some reason it made more sense than walking it. Except they don't sell pseudoephedrine through the drive through. You have to show ID and sign your life away and promise not to make meth out of it before man and God alike, before they'll sell it to you. So, reluctantly, we walked in. 

It was immediately apparent why we were so apprehensive about walking in. But first... some background... 

A few years back, I think we're actually going on four now, we rented the other side of our duplex to our best friends and their three children. We were so ecstatic to have them move in next door! They were coming all the way from Colorado, with little to nothing in their pocket so that they could start fresh. They did so in early December, so as a surprise we set up a Christmas tree for them, and tucked several gifts under the tree for the kids. Knowing the hard times they had in store, we bought groceries for them and had them lined up on the counter. We pushed the deposit out a few months on the unit as well. We did everything in our power to help them acclimate and make a good go of it. He transferred his job to a local store and we offered use of our car so that he could make the commute every day, and she could still have transportation for the kids. I even paid her to watch my youngest while I was at work. I did everything in my power to help them. 

They were here for barely a year. They left and moved back to Colorado, leaving us with six months of unpaid rent and a unit that needed some major work to be made rentable again. After they had left I made every attempt to continue a relationship with them. Even though I was just coming out of my dark period, the one where I didn't socialize at all -not the phone, not the internet, I rarely stepped outside- I tried to IM her, email her... I wasn't up to the phone yet, but I still tried. In return I was told that I was "very selfish" and that I use my health issues to my advantage. All in the same email she tells me that she would like to support me but has to tip-toe around me "so that you don't take it the wrong way and try to off yourself" but at the same time gets angry because "you bring the shit into my home and around my family that pisses me off". It was a brief, yet ugly email exchange. In fact, after this I just didn't reply. Didn't need to waste my energy on it, frankly.

So there we were, walking through Walgreens and low and behold we see him. If I'm honest, I tried really hard just to walk past and pretend like I didn't see him. But he made eye contact with Husband and so we were forced to stop and engage in small talk. And honestly, it wasn't all that bad. It was actually rather nice. He was like his old self. Nothing had changed. We talked about jobs and kids, the economy and what not. A little while later, she comes walking down the aisle too. Again, being honest, I was little more apprehensive about the encounter with her than with him. But again it was nice. There was still some tension between us women, but not so much that it couldn't be dealt with. It was nice, polite conversation. We each pulled out our phones and shared pics of the kids, talked about school, you know... the normal mommy talk. 

But whilst in the middle of said mommy talk, we end up talking about something that eventually leads me to mention my oldest's new agent. I tried really hard to avoid this topic because... well... I just didn't really want to get into it with her. But eventually she did ask, and I did explain. 

Ok... more background. Back in October my oldest auditioned for Celebrity Star Events. It's an acting program that has many loose ties to Disney. Not directly connected to Disney, but well enough that they can use their logo's and scripts in their material. It is taught by several different actors, most of whom have worked with Disney. Out of 620 kids that auditioned, only 50 were accepted. My oldest was one of those 50. After four intense weeks of training they hold a showcase, with two other cities for a total of 150 kids, for local and LA agents. My oldest had three call backs which eventually turned into signing a contract with an agent in Orlando, and currently negotiating with one in Miami. Not to mention, that out of this 150 kids, she was one of only a hand full to be selected to attend the LA Summer Camp, where it gets even more intense, has more connections and will be showcased for several more LA agents. (We're totally stoked about this!)

So I'm explaining this to my ex-best-friend/tenant and she says to me (and I'm paraphrasing here), "So... is this because you want her to do this or because she wants to?" It didn't dawn on me then, but later on in the car I realized that this small little statement just goes to show that her perception of me hasn't changed one bit. She still thinks I'm selfish, doing this all for myself rather than for my daughter. She still thinks that I put myself before my family. 

Is there a moral to this story? No, not really... just some random musing that I needed to get out of my head. See, I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. That we chart things like failed relationships, fights and other bad shit in to strength us. This is certainly one of those situations. Would I like to have her back as a friend? Sure, the friend I had before any of this started. And I'm talking like three years before she ever even moved to Florida. But that just isn't going to happen. Life experiences change who we are are. And if not ourselves directly, the way other's perceive us surely. And the schism between the friendship we had before, and the un-friendship we have now is our changes in perception... or lack there of. 

So while it was nice to catch up, I'm not about to jump back into a friendship or any sort of relationship with them. That time in my life experience has come and gone. I don't need some one with a flawed perception of who I am to impede my journey. But thanks anyway. 

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