It's not that I've been hiding in the corner or anything. They've been to my home. I have a bookcase filled with tell-tale titles such as 'Magical Housekeeping', 'Witchcraft from the Inside', 'Encyclopedia of Magical Herbs', 'The Wiccan Year' or 'Goddess Aloud'. I have a tattoo of an Ankh on my right arm, and an OM and lotus on my left wrist. I wore a pentacle with an ankh (still would if I hadn't lost the thing) around my neck for some time. I still have a ring I wear most days. I don't hide it, yet I never thought they would actually catch on. That's not right... because these are smart people, I don't want to diminish their intelligence at all, in any way. I guess I just never really thought I'd get called out on it, is what it really boils down to.
But I was. And I was totally unprepared.
It was before dinner one evening, while staying with the in-laws over the holidays, that Husband's favorite Aunt (someone I truly respect and admire), asked what I had been up to. I gave her the normal 'this & that, work and kids' generic answer. And she replied with 'and your blog too right?' Caught off guard much? I'm not entirely sure it showed, but then again I did stutter when I replied, 'Oh ya, but I haven't posted to that in a couple of months'. Did I mention the nervous giggle? Yup. Complete with nervous giggle.
There isn't really anything to be nervous about mind you. I was just unprepared to answer any questions about this blog or what I write in it. I honestly didn't think anyone from that side of the family would have paid much attention to it.
But it got even better.
The Husband's family is Episcopalian. They don't always pray before dinner, but since there was so much family for this meal, we all stood up and held hands and did the little prayer thing. I've been participating in this since I was a teenager. I started eating dinner with his family when I was sixteen. Had no idea what to think back then, and because I do love this family, and they are open minded, and I've been doing it for 15 years, I don't disrespect them by bowing out or giving a sigh and throwing a minor tantrum. I participate, but in my head it goes much differently. Anyway... after all is said and done, the same Aunt turns to me and asks 'So are there any sort of Wiccan prayers that you do?'.
Deer in the headlights. That must be what I looked like. How she didn't burst out laughing I will never know. Thankfully the Grandma stepped in with some other sort of dialogue and I was saved from answering the question.
Its not that I can't answer the question. I just wasn't prepared to. I wasn't prepared to discuss any of it. None. Nada. I couldn't even come up with the 'I'm not exactly Wiccan' statement. Major failure.
Next time though... next time will be different. Whereas before I was just trying to stay under the radar... now I know they are aware. And I'll be ready next time. No more stuttering, giggling, dear in the headlights reactions from me.
So I suppose I have both feet firmly planted out of the closet now. No going back. Not that I'd want to.
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Good for you! It's awesome to have family that is willing to ask questions and educate themselves without the whole OMG! You are going to hell concept. Be strong my dear, this is a perfect opening to bring them in to the things you do and feel.
ReplyDeleteIt is awesome, and I do know just how blessed I am. I just think I could have handled it much, much better than I did. But I'm sure it'll come up again!
DeleteThat is great that they are open minded and want to know about what you believe in. In my family we don't really discuss religion but with my mother in law we talk about our craft all the time. She is what I say a witch who does spells but was born a baptist. Go figure. She when I told her about being a witch it felt right. So she comes over to see what herbs to buy on the computer to do her spells. :)
ReplyDeletehat's awesome that you found a connection like that with your Mother-in-Law! My family is just the opposite, we love to discuss religion, especially my Dad. We're philosophical like that. Then again I have a Buddhist, an Atheist, and an Agnostic in my family... Many different points of view! :)
DeleteI think I would have had a minor (or major) heart attack! *laughing
ReplyDeleteI'm still waiting for my own mother to find my blog... wish me luck when that happens :D
It's funny, because I always knew others would find my little corner of the web... I just never expected those people to be friends and family from real life. Not a real practical idea I know... Once it happens though, you'll quit looking over your shoulder all the time, cyber-spacy-ly speaking!
ReplyDeleteI have never been in the closet, so to speak, but I still get caught in those types of moments from time to time, and there have been many times I reacted just as you did. It is comical to think back on it ( and your story made me chuckle in understanding )and I am glad your family is so open minded it seems! It makes it so much easier!
ReplyDeleteI just found out my mom reads my blog a few weeks ago and even though she knew of the blog, it never occurred to me that she might actually READ it lol. I was oddly stunned.
I completely understand the 'oddly stunned' sensation! And I do realize just how blessed I am on either side of the family, because I do have a very open minded and loving family all around!
DeleteSounds like she is truly interested and wants to include you and your prayer and rituals. That's pretty awesome. :D
ReplyDeleteAfter I was able to get over the stumbling and stuttering, and had the time to look back, I did realize that this is probably case. And it is REALLY awesome! At the same time though, I realized I must have made a not so awesome first impression of my faith too! Ah well, there is always next time ;)
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